It's me again. Ryan. I know you have no reason to believe that (I've watched those videos too), but it really is me. No weird videos. No weird preaching. Just me.

I'm looking for answers too.

I wasn't allowed to write on this until now, until the cops were sure that the other posts were done between the videos and the episodes. I couldn't even change the password to the page. It wasn't like it was some masterful plan with this dedicated detective who was sure that he was setting a trap for whoever took us, whoever still has Sara.

It was more like "don't change your password" then some stuff about the police tech guys wanting to look at some stuff. I don't really know if they did anything.

You can understand if at this point I'm not sure that they even care.

These are my journals. Group says that I need to get my thoughts out there, not just on the podcast, but for people to read and see. Things that I don't orchestrate and edit together, just stream of consciousness. Things that I feel. Things that I see.

I've put myself in the public eye. People have seen and heard more about what happened to me than most people will ever be exposed to by reading the paper and watching news reports. You heard the sounds.

Close your eyes and listen to those episodes and you have a large part of what my world was.

It was waaaay worse than that though, because you can open your eyes and see the light. You can look out your window and see the sun (unless you are from Minnesota too, the sun hasn't been making many appearances lately).

You can hear people, talk to people, be a part of the world.

Love that. Embrace that. No matter how bad you think things are getting, remember that you are there.

And if things are way worse, if you read this and understand even a little about what has happened to us, if the sounds of pain and isolation echo inside you even half as much as they do for me, then PLEASE understand that there are those who understand.

Just keep looking for that light and I'll do my best to do the same.

Side note: sorry if most of these come out after midnight, it's when I'm awake.